"All happy families are equally happy. Every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way."
Modern psychologists would gladly argue with this statement of Leo Tolstoy. The institution of the family has existed for a long time and it is clear that it has been studied more than once by researchers. It turns out that there are only 6 sources for conflict! All disputes, quarrels and scandals on the planet flare up only thanks to these six sources.
Source number 1. Relatives
The problem is the negative influence of newlywed parents or other relatives. It is very difficult for young and already married couples to establish relationships with the relatives of a marriage partner. This story is familiar to many ...
Each family has its own traditions and its family values. And the “higher” authorities in the person of someone’s mother are trying to impose their rules on the young “yellowhearts” who have just embarked on the military path of a happy life, and at any moment can be blown up by a mine of misunderstanding. Valuable guidance may accompany the “young family” for 30,40, 50 years.
Dealing with this attitude is incredibly difficult. Everyone will still prove their case, the only thing all sorts of uprisings can lead to is an endless series of scandals and discontent on the part of the spouse. It's still mom (dad) ...
The only way out is to escape as far as possible from under the influence of the commander and endure drill exercises only on rare family holidays. Sometimes it’s difficult for young people to get out of material captivity and rent an apartment to live away from relatives, but if the situation becomes critical, the only thing that can help the marriage not fall apart is rent! Hungry, poorly dressed, but with their own roof over their heads and together.
Source number 2. Different interests
A man loves football, beer and talking about politics, a woman - theater, ballet and talking about cats. Interests can be so different that living together collapses. He wants to go to Turkey, lie around the pool with alcohol, she prefers to relax in the country, walking through the forest with a bucket of berries. At the same time, both spouses dream of spending time with their other half.
These inconsistencies can lead to quarrels. If only one of the spouses is always inferior, then the accumulated resentment can pour out, and there it is just a stone's throw away.
Family psychologists cope with such problems well, their intervention is simply necessary if the spouses cannot agree. If your couple has a place for honesty and you know how to listen and hear each other, then try to talk. Awareness of the problem is half its solution. It can be difficult for very different people to constantly remember what once united them.
Source number 3. Who is the head in this house
Especially in the early days of family life, some people begin to struggle for leadership. A woman and a man are accustomed to their way of life, and want to “crush” a partner for themselves. As a result, numerous scandals.
The husband makes his wife clean five times a day and cook different dishes 3 times a day. The wife is fighting to ensure that the husband himself cope with minor repairs, and not call the master.
You must understand: no matter what a person does, he does it out of good intentions. Is always. Cinderella's stepmother was worried about her own daughters. Karabas Barabas wanted material prosperity. And we cannot say with certainty that he did not have a bunch of hungry kids to feed.
Source number 4. Sex…
Anyone who says that sex is not so important, maybe just for a long time did not get real pleasure. In all ages, men have sought to become the first and only one of his wife. Apparently, so that she did not know all the joys and there were fewer reasons for discontent. Let the fool think that everyone lives like that. Now, the girls know what an inept man can deprive them of and swear with him.
If a man does not get enough, then things are very deplorable. We all argue that men need only one thing. And if he does not receive this from his wife, and thinks constantly, and what to do? The very same husband pushing for treason, and if he has moral principles and sperm toxicosis? Which scale will outweigh? How can one not yell at his wife and swear?
There is a third kind of conflict in which sex appears. It consists in the fact that a man and a woman are simply incompatible with each other. It is very difficult for them to get pleasure together. There may be a million reasons for this, and there are only two possible solutions. Thinking, guessing and trying again and again in anticipation that the situation will change or go to a sex therapist and find out what is the reason for this state of affairs. True, few decide on the second. I don’t want to spend money, trust in specialists is poor and ... yes, somehow ashamed. It’s amazing, it’s not a shame to go to the gynecologist and urologist, they don’t hesitate to treat caries, and it’s dumb to talk about intimate details in the doctor’s office ... it’s inconvenient to consult in such matters. And, by the way, solving this issue can make you much happier.
Source number 5. Emotional lack
Just as sex is a priority source of conflict for men, so emotional lack is more common in women.
“You don’t love me at all”, “Why do you spend so much time with friends?”, “Watch your football again, don’t do anything else!”, “We don’t go anywhere.” The true cause of all these topics is emotional shortage. One of the spouses does not receive pleasant emotions.
Men rarely understand this reason, and even when they begin to suspect ... refuse to believe! Men and women are very different. For them, “Why are you watching football” means that his wife has periods, she doesn’t like that he spends a lot of time in front of the TV or she just washed the sofa and was upset that he was staining it with his skin fat. He will come up with anything and quickly believe in the most incredible conjectures than the fact that a woman lacks the attention of her husband.
In fact, if you do not have enough male shoulder, then it is not necessary to scream, scandal and try to beat love out of him with his fists. You can come up with something yourself and it is not necessary that you will be less satisfied with this. You need only original ideas for a joint holiday, there is a little in the article "How to become ideal due to the shortcomings of others."
In addition, you can go to the zoo or go to the circus. The longer you think and get better prepared, the better time you have.
Remember the game "Treasure" or "Treasure Hunt"? You can put notes in those places that are dear to you and your husband. Leave one near the registry office, the other at the institute where you went together, the third “in your place”, the fourth at the house where you once lived. He will have to find one note after another, and you just travel nearby. Let the goal be the search for memories, not the notes themselves.
As a reward, you can give him a story of your own composition about how you met. It’s great if you still have photos or souvenirs so that the book is illustrated. A good gift will be a puzzle from your joint photo. And after such a wonderful evening, you can give your husband a free evening without you. Let her chat with friends!
Source number 6. Economic problems
“With sweet paradise and in a hut” - this is not about us for a long time. Of course, there are still individuals for whom money is not the main thing, and hunger is a way to prove your love once again. Time dictates, and there is nothing wrong with that person wants to live comfortably. Such an era. Everything is for sale, everything is for sale. When one of the spouses understands that the price of the other was clearly too high, then scandals and abuse begin.
In fact, this source of conflict can be viewed from different angles. What an insidious woman looks, who is sawing her husband because of his unwillingness to buy her a new car! And what a miserable family looks like, where the wife dreams of having a fifth child, and the husband is physically unable to make money on the four already born.
Who is right and who is wrong - only an experienced psychologist can judge. Unfortunately, even very frank conversations between husband and wife do not lead to anything. Remaking a personality is almost impossible if you are not a professional. One wants more, but for the second, this is an unrealistic task, at least for now.
